Because fathers of today must he away from home..........How can a child love and respect a father who is disappointed in him?

Because fathers of today must he away from home more than the fathers of the past, when much of their work was carried on in or near the home, a father's relationship with his children is more limited. However, it is the quality rather than the quantity of the time spent with the children that counts. As is true of mothers, children have definite ideals of what a father should be. Fathers, unfortunately, fall short of these ideals more than mothers.

As with mothers, studies have been made of what children want their fathers to be like and what qualities they would like their fathers to possess. How do you, as a father, rate yourself on the following qualities?

Youthful appearance. A child does not want his father to look like a teenager, but he doesn't want him mistaken for his grandfather either. To help make your child proud of your appearance, and on behalf of your own good health, keep yourself as physically trim as possible. Add good grooming and a cheery smile and your child will point to his father with pride.

Achievement. Not all achievement is measured by material success or social prestige. To a child his father is a success, no matter what work he does, as long as he has the respect of people around him, and the child can trust in his integrity and honesty. Even small children observe more than we think they do and are quick to compare what you say with what you do. It is important for a child to have faith in his father's values, for he often models his own behavior on them.

Understanding. A child often turns to his father for special understanding since he is not involved in the small mishaps of the day as the mother is. A father can create a close bond with his child if he responds to this appeal wisely, and his special man's viewpoint can help both his sons and his daughters.

Tolerance. A child hopes his father will be tolerant of his short comings, for this will bolster the child's faith in his own ability to overcome them. A wise father will make an effort to be patient and to guide his child gently along the road to maturity. He will find his reward in his child's love, loyalty and trust.

Willingness to do things with child. Because the mother is usually ready and willing to do things with and for the child, it is natural for the child to expect the same of his father. In the case of boys especially. the desire to have their father as a playmate and companion is strong. particularly when they reach school age and find that their friends' fathers are their chums and playmates. How do you rate here in the eyes of your child ?

Fairness. Because, traditionally, the father is the family disciplinarian, the child has a good opportunity to judge how fair or unfair he is. When you punish or scold your child, do you find out first what prompted the act you believe deserves punishment, or do you judge the behavior according to adult standards. Are you fair in your punishment when you let out your pent-up anger for something that went wrong in business by being more severe than your child's behavior justifies ?

Reasonable expectations. Far too many fathers expect their children to do things way beyond the child's capacities. When they are successful men, or when they are failures and have never achieved what they wanted from the time they were children, they are likely to set their goals too high for their children and then be bitterly disappointed when their children do not reach these goals. How can a child love and respect a father who is disappointed in him ?

Summary: A child does not want his father to appear like a teenager nor a grandfather. He likes his father to be physically trim, cheerful and neat. The father should have values of honesty, respect and integrity. Respond to the child's appeal wisely to strengthen the bond. Be tolerant of the child's shortcomings. Be patient to guide him as he grows in order to win his love, loyalty and trust. Be willing to do things with him. Boys especially desire to have their father as a playmate and companion. Be fair in his judgment. When he punishes or scolds his child, he should not base it on adult standards or because of his pen-up anger from his bad business. Lastly, he should have reasonable expectations of his child.